I thought spring was on the way….

Tuesday was a bright sunny day after a sharp frost, it actually felt rather warm in the sun. The day was spent with the horses and some friends, it was one of those days where you feel you have achieved something. Of course as many of you have noticed the sun didn’t last and we have been subjected to sharp winds and cloud again. 

It has been a pretty uneventful week, no messages off men who feel the need to vent to make them feel better about their short comings. Had a few nice chats and reconnected with a man who I quite like, a busy successful business man who has children so finding time is hard but all we can do is see what happens. 

How to stay safe while online dating!?!

I had a reply to my previous post regarding abusive messages from men who are rejected by women on dating sites, the reply told me to be careful and it got me thinking.

I don’t think online dating is much different to meeting someone over the freezers in Tesco or your local night spot, people who hide ‘issues’ can hide them in any situations but the beauty of online dating is the fact you can chat online for a little while and see if you notice any warning signs.

A couple of years ago I visited a coffee shop once a week and got chatting to a man there, he seemed normal and I said I was only looking for friends having recently moved back to the area, swapped numbers and he stalked me for 2 months with saucy texts until I got firm with him.

How can you be sure the person your talking to is who they claim to be? The answer is, You can’t be 100% sure but you can take steps to try and verify certain aspects.

If a man only has one or two photos I will not hesitate to ask for more photos to confirm the photos they are using are them, most people have a few photos knocking about and men who actually are models or personal trainers have ‘normal’ photos too.

Facebook! I love facebook, while it is easy to set up a fake profile and add random people this is generally obvious, eg friends that they don’t really know/from abroad, lack of real activity. I have in the past added people to Facebook only see status posts which indicate a fragile mental state or on and of relationships with someones. Some might say snooping is wrong but when it comes to safety you need to look after yourself.

Then you have the usual tips such as meeting in a public place etc. Other than that you have to learn from past experiences, eg if a man is married but claiming to be single and you get caught up in it once it is something you will spot in future. It is important to listen to your instinct too, if you get a bad feeling or smell a rat then take a step back.

When men get a taste of sour grapes?

Nobody likes to be rejected but it happens to us all and equally we have done the rejecting ourselves, there are times when I myself have to bite my tongue and man up to deal with it but then there are times where I have been god damn glad I have rejected someone when they show just how many sandwiches short of a picnic they are. 

Chicoamigococo is 45 and from Norwich, apparently runs some Spanish property business but seemed nice to chat to at first but I noted his dislike of ‘fat’ women on his profile, while we all have preferences some show a complete hatred of certain people. As a size 16/18 I knew he wouldn’t fancy me; however he continued to try and get me to meet him which I would not do as I am not willing to lay myself open to anything nasty as it was clear his dislike of ‘fat’ women was more than a preference. So I stopped replying…….in the dating world ‘No reply is a reply’ 

Opened my inbox tonight to find this….. 

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I am lucky I have quite a thick skin and have encountered this kind of ‘sour grapes’ before, I guess it must dent a mans ego that he can’t even pull a fat bird but in this case the irony is he is having a go at how I am repulsive and that no man would want to go near me, yet he claims he went a paid for it? 

So guys if you wonder why women are so cautious about replying to you or meeting up with you, men like this are the cause, could you imagine meeting a man like him in person!! It isn’t just women that boil bunnies 😉 

Happy Valentines Day!

Single not desperate!

So I have been single a while now and this seems to make some men believe single = desperate and I’d settle for any man who pays me attention but what concerns me is the sheer number of men who do not know how to communicate with a woman. 

For example they will send message after message in the hope I will change my mind and make me want to date them, they swing from being nice to sexually explicit or just creepy. Who do these men think they are to think that a woman HAS to talk to them, is it neediness or desperation.

It is rather worrying, do these men act the same way if a woman refuses their advances in a pub/club/shop? so a word to guys who are seeking a woman online, don’t think you can act as you like being pushy or just an idiot because you happen to be hiding behind a screen. 

Yes I am single, No I am not desperate and I will talk to who I like and when I like. 

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Update on my ‘Date’

Confrontation So I decided to confront this man and explain I knew the score so he could drop the act as I was interested in his side of the story (lets face it they always have one) just out of curiosity in the hope it would help me in my ‘research’ it seems it no longer dating but honing my instinct and trying to research the male brain, as we are all baffled by it.

I was left disappointed as he did the typical male thing, Man plays games and realises woman saw through those games from day one so man blocks woman on Facebook and goes into hiding. It shocks me that in this day and age women tend to have bigger balls than men, I am happy to admit my faults, admit if I have got something wrong or if I have hurt someone so come on guys grow a pair! Although as a friend pointed out, actions speak louder than words and that reaction is no bigger sign of guilt. 

I don’t I will hear from him, let alone get a response but still wish him all the best in life and with the old mutton dressed as lamb, you never know she may fall for it all. 

How do I feel now? I feel strangely empowered that I was able to see through the BS but still put it behind me to get what I wanted at the time but I also feel a bit let down that once again my instincts proved right and I’m starting to wonder if there are any men who don’t play games or who have a pair of balls. 

And before anyone says I played a game, it is a case of ‘If you can’t beat them join them’ and I don’t play games with every man I meet, there are a few who I wouldn’t dream of playing with.

So I had a ‘date’

I got chatting to a man about 5 days ago, I liked the way he came across and we got on well; however I was being open minded about what would happen and was happy with the idea I might meet him a friend (with benefits) or just a bit of fun, after my experience at the tail end of last year with the guy pining after his ex wife I needed to get out of the house and feel desired for a while. 

I remained aloof with this man who very quickly went into the patter about missing me when I wasn’t online, really liking me and having a good feeling blah blah blah, girls, we have heard all that before haven’t we? I am wise to that but still kept open minded, I did get on well with him on the phone so thought it would be worth doing something I hadn’t done for years, I travelled to meet him. About 2 hours on the bus. 

When he came round the corner I was a little disappointed, I often get told that my photos don’t do me justice but with this man it was the opposite, I have a suspicion that his photos on the dating site and FB were a little older that is probably appropriate or the camera is kind to him, not to say he is ugly just looks a little ‘older’ and he also had those cigarette stained teeth and bitten nails that I find hard to look past for too long. He did still have the nice smile and eyes that I liked originally, I had travelled too far to turn back.

After a little chat in the pub I warmed to him, he made me feel at ease, he was clean and he a gentleman, maybe as this is something he does regularly to knows which ‘buttons’ to press, anyway I realised he would scratch the itch I had or would actually end up treating me right so threw all caution to the wind and decided to stay at his. 

I quickly realised he was one for pawing at me constantly which is fine but puts him in the ‘fun only’ category, so we had fun but he was still playing the ‘I really like you card’ wanting to see me again and trying to keep up and act he really didn’t need to with me due to my open mind. I left his as soon as I could Sat morning as felt a bit rough and I am still struggling with being with someone for a long period of time. 

He kept up the act until I was on the bus and I had some thinking to do, what do I really want? am I completely emotionally dead? but I also was intrigued to see if it really was an act. Before we met he said he thought he would come off the dating site as soon as he met me as he really liked me, so I logged on, there he was online, which is fine and isn’t really conclusive. He had asked me to keep him  updated on my journey home but was quiet and not so keen to impress which is as I expected. 

He then said he was off to his sisters for lunch, so I left it at that but noticed him on FB and he added some blond woman who looked a bit like mutton dressed as lamb, you know the older women who pile make up on to look younger and wear tacky clothes that you can see straight past. I assume she is off the dating site and he already planning his next move, fine with me as I had by this point decided I wouldn’t see him again but may be friends with him; however lying to my face removes the chance of even being friends. 

I’m not hurt as I had my suspicions that this is exactly what would happen and that he was just putting on an act, being cynical has its uses sometimes and I think maybe he picked up the feeling that I knew it was an act too. This does prove a point though, most men out there really do claim to be something they are not and enjoy trying to put an act on even when they don’t have to, I’d be interested to know why if any men reading this want to give me their side?

Nearly 1 month of 2013 gone already!

So we are at the end of January It hasn’t been an overly interesting month, my Mum is back in hospital with another chest infection and they are trying to find out what it is. Doctors claim that due to her lungs being weak and the weather turning cold it is not surprise that she has become ill again. I have decided I need to look for a live in job elsewhere in the country as I need to look after my own health and being in the middle of all this stress is not doing me any favors. 

As for dating I’m no longer on POF as I felt it is waste of my time and found myself getting frustrated at the rejection or lack of men who can hold an intelligent conversation without coming out with a question about my bra size. I think they have some form of tourettes, we could be chatting about the colour of the sky and suddenly they ask what colour knickers I’m wearing. I was enjoying a nice chat with a POF event host and even he couldn’t help himself, needless to say I will not be attending any events hosted by him. 

It has been a cold month but I seem to cope with the cold pretty well; however on Sunday 20th Jan there was a blizzard that lasted a good 3 or 4 hours which made a trip to the post office on Monday morning hard work due to the 5 inches of snow on the path. I am now looking forward to putting the winter clothes away and the fresh feeling that spring brings. 

So as you can see the start of 2013 has been no better than the end of 2012 and I am sat here after cooking another unappreciated meal for my family and have been thinking, when was the last time I was took out to dinner? when was the last time I was cooked for? when was the last time I was held? and when was the last time someone genuinely cared for me and how I am feeling? When I realise how long ago that really was I think ‘actually that is quite sad’ I might just go and buy some cats 😉